Reach Your Full True Potential

Why is it that some people do not avoid aggressive confrontation, some even aggravate a situation with the intention of escalating the situation to the point of conflict. Research has shown that in the vast majority of cases the existence of macho ego is the cause of this. Such proponents of aggression generally suffer from some sort of inferiority complex and simply cannot face up to their own insecurities. To cover up for these insecurities they react in ways that show the opposite of that which they are trying to hide. It may be true that they get desensitised to the fear inherent in confrontation since they face up to the fear and get used to it, but they never deal with the things which initially made them feel insecure in the first place. These insecurities are usually emotional baggage that they have been carrying from childhood.

Imagine a situation where a man, (Mr X), is walking down the street on his own. On the opposite side of the street another man and woman are engaged in a violent argument. It is far more likely that Mr X will not get himself involved than would have been the case if he had one of his friends with him. In fact, if Mr X was walking with his girlfriend at his side, he is certainly likely to get involved. Even if his girlfriend begs him no to interfere he would still get involved, even if it means that it may cause an argument with his own girlfriend! This is because he does not want to be seen as afraid by anyone who knows him. His ego dictates that he would be considered as less of a man if he does not get involved and save the poor damsel in distress. He will confront the other man without even knowing what the situation really is.

Consider a man (Mr Y), who thinks that his legs are thinner than they should be so he always only wears long pants to hide them. His partner and friends may tell him there is nothing wrong with his legs, but he will still wear long pants day after day. Why would he do this?
Well, somewhere in his past he heard someone say that they had a preference for men with big strong legs. In his mind he felt that he did not match up to what he heard and felt inadequate. What Mr Y did not realise was that this was a comment by one individual and that others may not have the same preferences at all. Chances are that he cannot even remember who made the comment and when the comment was made, but it has remained in his mind that thin legs are not attractive.

These things that make us feel insecure are usually based on decisions we make based on what we think other people are thinking. They are not based on any semblance of provable fact. The result is that these people go through life trying to live up to expectations that they think other people may have of them. They decide for others what is acceptable or not instead of deciding solely for themselves.

The only way to get over your own insecurities is to honestly contemplate why it is that you are insecure about whatever makes you feel insecure. Then from that point of honesty decide if your insecurities are valid, most often you will find that they are not. In the instance where the insecurity is found to be based on valid reasoning, you must make peace with your shortcoming and accept, honestly and fully accept, who you are, shortcomings and all. After all, there are many people who do not think there is a problem with you. These inevitably are the people that count, not some person you don’t really know! Why allow yourself to be emotionally affected by others who have no true relevance in your life? Only when you can love yourself for who and as you are, can you be rid of these insecurities. Also, only then can you be your true self without a mask. Only then will you not be ruled by your macho ego. Only then can you reach your full and true potential.

Sifu Kevin Stewart
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